Jokes Archive starting from 601 to 700

• Losing Engines - Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three eng...
• Blonde Painter - A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood.
  
  She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you ...
• Breast Stroke Competition - A blonde, a red head and a brunette were competing in the English
  Channel Breast Stroke Competition.
  
  The redhead won and the brunette came in second. However, there
  was no sign of the final contestant. Hours and hours went by
  cau...
• Swimming - Theres a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde, all stranded on an island.
  The first day they look north for land, and they don't see anything.
  The second day, they look to the south for land, but don't see anything.
  The third da...
• Speeding Blonde - One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, t...
• Getting On The Bus - In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful blonde was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became awar...
• A Blonde For Ever - There was a blonde who was tired of all the blonde jokes going around and decided to dye her hair brown. She then went for a drive in the country and came upon a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
  "Hey, shepherd! If I guess how many she...
• A Blonde With A Problem - A blonde was happily married, but for one thing. Every morning she woke up early and passed gas, waking up her husband. After a few months of marriage, her husband finally said, "you have to stop this". "If you fart any more, you'll fart your guts o...
• Blonde Swimmer - A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are in a breast stroke race. The starter's gun goes off and the three girls dive into the pool. The brunette and the redhead shoot across the pool and get out; 20 minutes later the blonde reaches the end and gets ou...
• Blonde Kidnapper - Once upon a time when a Blonde was hard up for money, she decided to kidnap a child. So the next day she goes to a nearby playground and when nobody is looking, she pulls a random kid behind a tree and says, "You're kidnapped, so be quiet and don't g...
• Following The Track - A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are trapped in a forest. One day the brunette goes out hunting. She comes back and has a big dead deer. The blonde and the redhead are impressed. They ask her how she did it and she says "I found the tracks, followe...
• Leaving Early - Three women all worked in the same office, with the same female boss. Each day they noticed that the boss would leave work early.
  One day, the women decided, that when the boss left, they would leave right behind her. After all, she never called,...
• Blonde Cop - A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer (also a blonde). The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agi...
• Blondes At The Lake - Two blondes are on opposite sides of a lake.
  
  One blonde yells to the other, "How do you get to the other side?"
  
  "You are on the other side," the other blonde yells ...
• Best Kept Secret - At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. 'No woman,' said one man, scornfully, 'can keep a secret.'
  
  'I don't know about that,' answered a blonde woman guest. 'I have kept my age a sec...
• Speeding Blonde - One day this cop pulls over a blonde for speeding. The cop gets out of his car and asks the blonde for her license.
  ''You cops should get it together. One day you take away my license and the next day you ask me to show it.''
  ...
• Final Words - Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
  
  Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "...
• Because I'm Blonde? - A girl came skipping home FROM school one day. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!"
  
  "Very good," said her mother.
• Stuck In The Hotel - An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
  
  The next mo...
• Bank Robbery - A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action.
  The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, "Now, do you...
• Drinking Codes - A brunette, a redhead and a blonde walk into a bar. For the
  sake of brevity, each one orders her drink with an abbreviated
  code word. The brunette walks up to the bartender and says,
  "Hey give me an ML." The bartender nods his head and...
• Angry Blonde - A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her.
  
  She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead.
  
  Well, now she's angry!
  
  S...
• Blonde Painting - One day a blonde comes out of the tanning salon. She wants to make some money so she goes to one of the rich neighborhoods. She rings the door
  bell and says, "HI, is there anything I could do for your house or you???"
  
  The man thinks an...
• Blonde Phone Call - A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.
  The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it t...
• Nude Painting - Wanting a portrait with which to surprise his wife, a businessman asked a blonde female painter he'd been recommended to paint him in the nude.
  
  "No," the talented blonde artist said. "I don"t do that sort of thing."
  
  "But what if I d...
• Jokes For Blondes - There is a blonde, a redhead and a brunette on the stairway to heaven.
  
  God says, "There are 3,000 steps and I'll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell."
  
  So they start walking and reach to the ...
• Exposed Breast - A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.
  A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
  
  "Why, officer?" asks the blonde. ...
• Blonde In Trouble - A blonde, brunette and a redhead run to the top of a burning building. Below, a few firefighters are holding a blanket telling the redhead to jump.
  
  When the redhead jumps the firefighters snatch the blanket away and she hits the concrete.
• Sleeping Problems - An exhausted looking blond dragged herself in to the doctor's office. "Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."
  
  "I have good news for you," the doctor answered, rumma...
• Blonde Detectives -
  Three blondes were all applying for the last available position on the Highway Patrol.
  The detective conducting the interview looked at the 3 of them and said, "So ya'll want to be a cop, eh?"
  
  The blondes all nodded. The detective...
• Buying Flowers - Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead saw her boyfriend buying flowers.
  
  Redhead sighed and said, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."
  
  The blonde...
• Lawyer And Blonde - A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window...
• Bowling Tournament - Two bowling teams, one all blondes, one all bruneettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.
  The brunette team rides on the bottom level of the bus, the blonde team rides on the top level.
  The bru...
• How To Lose Weight - A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
  When the blonde ret...
• Blonde And Chimps - A blonde motorist was two hours from Sydney when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the blonde's car and asked, "Are you going to Sydney?"
  
  "Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
  <...
• Leaving Early - A BRUNETTE, A REDHEAD & A BLONDE all worked in the same office with the same female boss. Every day, they noticed their boss left work early.
  
  One day, the girls decided that when the boss left, they'd leave right behind her. After all, she n...
• Catching The Blonde - This fat guy sees an ad for a new gym guaranteeing to reduce anyone's weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them he wants to lose 5 kg. They strip him and lead him into a huge gym with all kinds of ropes and parallel ...
• Blonde Guts - One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.
  While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to...
• Urgent Message - This blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, "I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe." The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies "But I don't have any money.... and I must get a message to her, it's urgent!... I'...
• Toilet Paper - A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were walking along the beach. A seagull flies over and craps all over the blonde.
  
  The brunette says in a disgusted voice, "Hang on the bathroom is just up the hill, I'll go get some toilet paper."
  
• Death Row - There's a blonde, a red head and a brunette all on death row. They are all out in the desert about to be executed. First up is the brunette. The shooter counts; 1, 2, 3..., and the brunette yells out,"Tornado!" Everybody turns around to see the torna...
• Blone Kidnapping - There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles, so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note:
  
  I have kidnapped your child. Leave...
• Blonde No An Airplane - This guy goes to sit at his plane seat in first class, and finds a blonde there. He says, excuse me miss, but this is my seat. She replies, I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I have a great body and I'm going to Florida. So the guy calls the stewardess over ...
• Fire Escape - A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. Firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump in.
  
  The firemen yell to the Brunette, "Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!"...
• Blonde Deodorant - A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for a bottom deodorant. "Sorry, we don't sell bottom deodorant" the pharmacist replies, struggling to keep from laughing.
  
  "But I always buy it here", the blonde says. "I bought one last...
• Helicopter Lessons - A blonde received a certificate for helicopter flying lessons for her birthday. One day she was bored and decided to take advantage of the opportunity.
  
  When she arrived at the place, the man said "Well, there's only one helicopter here, and...
• A Blonde With A Gun - A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.
  
  The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds ...
• Stairway To Heaven - There is a blonde, a redhead and a brunette on the stairway to heaven.
  
  God says, "There are 3,000 steps and i'll tell you a joke on each 1,000th step you reach. If you laugh you go to hell."
  
  So they start walking and reach to the fir...
• Alligator Shoes - A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" ...
• The Heist - There are three people: a blonde named Stacy, a red-head named Mary, and a guy named Jack.
  
  One day Mary says "I think we should rob a bank." And everyone agrees.
  So the next week after much planning they all set it up. "Now remember me a...
• Q and A - Q & A
  
  
  Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
  A: So brunettes can remember them.
  
  Q: What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
  A: You pick it up pull the pin & throw it back.
  
  Q: What happened...
• The magic forest - Three girls are walking in a magical forest. Suddenly, a witch comes out of the woods, and tells them:
  "Each of you has to say one good thing about herself. If you lie, i will make you disappear!".
  
  The first girl, a brunette, says:
  ...
• Jigsaw Muddle - An Blonde calls her boyfriend and says,
  "Please come over here and help me, I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
  Her boyfriend asks,
  "What is it supposed to be when it's finished??
  The girl...
• Bucking Blonde - This blonde had a near death experience the other day.
  
  She climbed on top of a horse, and all of a sudden it started moving.
  She was a little frightened, this was her first time, but she kept on the horse. Then the horse started going fas...
• Three Blonde Hunters - Three blondes walk into a forest and soon find a pair of tracks.
  
  The first blonde says: "I think they're deer tracks."
  
  The second blonde says: "No, I think they're bear tracks."
  
  The third blonde says: "You're both wrong! Th...
• Blonde Cashier - A man walks in to an auto store and askes the blonde cashier where the turtle wax is. the blonde says,"i'm sorry sir, but we don't sell pet suppl...
• Blonde Hiking - One day a blonde is hiking in the woods. She follows the trail until she comes upon a river. As she is thinking how she can get across the river; another blonde appears on the opposite side.
  The blonde yells to the other blonde "How do I get to...
• Guessing Game - Two blondes are walking down a road, one has a large sports bag.
  1st blonde: "What have you got in that bag?"
  
  2nd blonde: "Chickens."
  
  1st blonde: "If I can guess how many chickens you've got in that bag, can I have one o...
• Because I'm Blonde? - A girl came skipping home from school one day.
  
  "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other
  kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
  6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"
  
  "Very good," s...
• Indecent Exposure - A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.
  A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, "Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?"
  
  "Why, officer?" asks the blonde. ...
• There Is No Fish There - One cold Winter day, a blonde decides she wants to take up ice fishing. When she gets to the pond, she begins to cut a hole in the ice. As she does, she hears a voice. "There's no fish there...".
  Puzzled, the blonde picks up her stuff an...
• Ventriloquist - A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of silly blonde jokes when a big blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says,
  "OK jerk, I've heard just a...
• There Is No Fish There - One cold Winter day, a blonde decides she wants to take up ice fishing. When she gets to the pond, she begins to cut a hole in the ice. As she does, she hears a voice. "There's no fish there...".
  Puzzled, the blonde picks up her stuff a...
• Wrong Way - A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
  Cop: "Do you know where you were going?"
  Blonde: "No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving."...
• Legally Blonde - This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is ...
• Speeding Blonde - One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for
  speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down
  her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red
  sports car, was how hot the driver was! Blue...
• BOEING! BOEING! - A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never
  been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon
  as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement,
  running over seat to se...
• Blonde In Jail - There was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head escaping from jail. The brunette ran up a tree and a police officer yells "who is there?" and the brunette says "tweet tweet". So the police officer walks away.
  
  Then, the redhead runs up the tr...
• The Daily News - Once a Blonde and a brunette were watching the news when they saw a man at the top of a building threatening to jump off. The Brunette said "I bet you fifty bucks he's going to jump off, what do you say?" The Blonde said "sure," They watched carefull...
• The 100$ Dollar Bill - Santa Vlause, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, a smart blonde and a dumb blonde were all walking down the street when they all spotted a 100$ dollar bill.
  
  Who do you think got it?
  
  No one because the first four dont exist and the dum...
• Car Crash - A cop was driving down a country road when he saw a car in the ditch. He got out of his car to see if anyone was in the car. A blonde popped her head out the window and said "Thank god officer! I got in an accident!" The officer replied with "Well I ...
• What's So Funny? - A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she accidentally cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on t...
• Safety First - Q:What is a blondes idea of safe sex??
  A:Lock the car ...
• Red Ears - A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her
  what had happened to her ears and she answered,
  
  "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up
  the phone I accidentally picked up the iron ...
• Horsey Ride - Once, a blonde decided to ride a horse. She was riding quite pleasantly on a trail in a field until the horse speeded up. He was going faster and faster, and soon she felt herself slipping. Her head was just about to hit the ground... Then the Wal Ma...
• Blonde Kidnapping - A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money,
  she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
  
  She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a
  tree, and told him, "I`ve kidnapped you."
  
  She...
• Appliance Store - A blonde walks into an appliance store and starts to look around.
  
  She then asks the clerk,"Can I have that television set over there."
  The clerk looks at her and says no.
  This confuses her. She then asks why?
  
  The Clerk...
• Genie In A Bottle - A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are walking along their island beach when one sees a bottle lying on the ground.
  It turns out there's a genie in it so they each get one wish.
  The brunette says: "I miss my family, I wish i was home again." ...
• The Interview - Three blondes were all vying for the last available position on the local police force. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So you all want to be a cop, eh?"
  
  The blondes all nodded. The detective got...
• Airport Left - I know a blond so stupid I asked her to take me to the airport she looked up at the billboard it said "Airport Left" she turned around and went...
• Bad Blonde Day - Q:how can you tell if a blonde is having a bad day?
  
  A:her tampon is on her ear and she cant find her...
• The Blondes Pigs - One day two blondes each bought a pig. The problem they were having was telling the two pigs apart.
  
  So, the first blonde had an idea: She said, "I'll cut my pig's tail off, then we will know the difference." So she cut her pig's tail off. ...
• Death in the family - One day, a blonde's neighbor goes over to her house, sees the blonde crying, and asks her what happened. The blonde said that her mother had passed away. The neighbor made her some coffee and calmed her down a little and then left. The next day the n...
• Telephone Poles - Two telephone company crews were putting up telephone poles. At the end
  of the day, the company foreman asked the first crew how many poles they
  had put in the ground. "Fifteen" was the answer.
  
  "Not bad, not bad at all," the forema...
• Volunteers? - Eleven women were clinging precariously to a wildly
  swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping
  on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.
  
  As a group they decided that one of the party should let go.
  If tha...
• Blonde in the Dr.'s office - A brunette woman goes into the dr.'s office.
  She tells the Dr. : "It hurts all over my body."
  He says: "point to where it hurts".
  She points to her shoulder and yells "OUCH!". She then points to her hip and yells "OUCH!". Finally she poin...
• Golf Lesson - A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to
  take a swing at a ball to see how she'd do.
  
  The blonde did so and completely duffed the shot.
  
  The pro said "Your swing is good but you're gripping the club too ...
• Two Blondes Hunting - There were two blondes going hunting. It was getting late so one of the
  blondes said to the other that she heard if you ever get lost in the
  woods to shoot three shots into the air. So she did. A few hours went
  by and so she fired three ...
• At the Corner - she was so blonde she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DON'T W...
• Blonde Cook Book - Blonde Cook Book:
  
  MONDAY:
  It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food cake.
  The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors
  were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
  
  TUESDAY:
  Bob wanted fruit salad...
• Top 10 Blonde Inventions - 1. The water proof towel
  2. Solar powered flash light
  3. Sumberrine screen door
  4. A book on how to read
  5. Inflatable dart board
  6. A dictionary index
  7. Ejector seat in a helicopter
  8. Powdered water
  9. Pedel powered...
• The Highway Blonde - A Blonde was driving down the highway and she cuts off a Truck. The Driver motions for the Blonde to pull over. The blonde pulls over and the truck driver draws a circle on the road next to the car. He says "Don't leave this circle" and cuts her tire...
• Blondes and the News - A Blonde and a Burnette are watching the news at 6. It is live on the scene. It has been reported that a old homeless man is on top of a large bridge and swears that he will jump off the bridge. The Burnette turns around and says to the Blonde" I bet...
• Jeperady - Jeperady!
  There is three blonds playing Jeperady. The anoucer says, "This is the final question. How many "D's" are in Jeperady?" The first blond goes 1." He goes up to number 2 and she says "1000." "I'm not even going to ask," the anoucer said. ...
• Plane trip to New York - There was a blonde sitting on a plane in first class seats with an economy class ticket. The flight attendant asked to check her ticket.
  'Excuse me' she said 'you only have an economy class ticket but you are sitting in first class. Could you ple...
• Tracks - A blonde, a brunette, and a red-head all go hunting together. Then they decide to all go their separate ways. When they all come back, the brunette had shot a rabbit.
  The other 2 ask "How'd you do that?"
  She says: "Well, I followed some tra...
• Breathe Blonde - A blonde wearing headphones walks into a store and on the window it said 'No Headphones' so the clerk says, "I'm afraid I'll have to make you take off those headphones."
  
  The blonde paid no attention to the clerk, so he said louder "If you do...
• Blonde Crossing - A blonde walking by the river came across another blonde directly across from her. The first blonde waved to the other and said "hey, how do i get to the other side"? The other blonde answered "You're already on the other s...
• the blonde & the cellphone - A young man wanted to get his beautiful "blonde" wife
  something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he
  decides to buy her a cellphone.
  
  She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and
  explains to her all...
• brainy blonde? - What do u call a blonde with 1brain cell?
  GIFTED!
  What do u call a blonde with 2brain cells?
  PREGNANT!
  What do u call a blonde with 3brain cells?
  A GOLDEN RETRIEVER!
  
  ...