The Pope
The pope receives a call from Frank Perdue one day. Frank says to the pope,"Holy Father, I have a great proposal I'd like you to consider. I would like to pay the Church one million dollars in return for your agreement to change the words of the Our Father from: '...give us our daily bread' to 'give us our daily CHICKEN'.

The pope says, "Frank that is an interesting offer, but no thanks."

Mr. Perdue comes back with, "OK how about 10 million bucks?" The pope says, "That rea... more

Catholic Dog
Muldoon, the farmer, lived alone in the countryside with his pet dog of many years. Eventually, his dog died of old age. Muldoon went to the parish priest.

"Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "Muldoon, I'm sorry to hear of your dog's death, but we can't be holding services for an animal in the church. However, there's a new denomination down the road, and maybe they would do something for the animal." more

Funny You Should Ask
One day a middle-aged Jewish man named Leo hears from his son attending university. "I've decided to become a Christian, Dad."

Leo panics. "What do I do?" he asks himself. The only thing he can think to do is call his rabbi.

"Funny you should come to me with this problem, Leo," says the rabbi. "Not 2 years ago my son comes to me with the same speech. I had no idea what to do. I panicked, and the only thing I could think to do was go to God."

"What message do you think y... more

Rather Yell
After church on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother, "Mom, I've decided I'm going to be a minister when I grow up.

"That's okay with us," the mother said, "But what made you decide to be a minister?"

"Well," the boy replied, "I'll have to go to church on Sunday anyway, and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell than to sit still and li... more

No Jews
A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded late one night at a fashionable resort on Cape Cod --one that did not admit Jews.

The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, 'Sorry, no room. The hotel is full.' The Jewish lady said, 'But your sign says that you have vacancies.' The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, 'You know that we do not admit Jews. Now if you will try the other side of town...'

Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeably and said... more

Religious Man And An Atheist
A very religious man lived right next door to an atheist. While the religious one prayed day in, day out, and was constantly on his knees in communion with his Lord, the atheist never even looked twice at a church.

However, the atheist's life was good, he had a well-paying job and a beautiful wife, and his children were healthy and good- natured, whereas the pious man's job was strenuous and his wages were low, his wife was getting fatter every day and his kids wouldn't give him th... more

Fallen
An old priest got sick of everyone in his parish confessing adultery. During one Sunday's sermon he told them, "If one more person confesses to adultery, I'll quit!"

Since everyone liked him, they decided to use a code word: "fallen." >From then on, anyone who had committed adultery said they had "fallen." This satisfied the old priest and the parishioners, and everything was fine for years, until finally the old priest passed away at the ripe old age of 93.

Shortly after the ne... more

Throw It All Into A River
A preacher, completing a temperance sermon, spoke with great fervor! "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd throw it all into the river."

With greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd throw it all into the river."

And finally he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd throw it all into the river, too!"

As he took his chair, the song leader stood and announced with a smile, "For our closing hymn, let us sing number 365:"

... more

Catholic School
Little Tommy's parents had tried everything to help his math grade: tutors, flash cards, "Hooked on Math," special learning centers, everything. Finally, they enrolled him in the local Catholic school.

The very first day, he came home with a very serious look on his face, went straight to his room, and started studying. His mother was amazed. Books and paper were spread out everywhere and Little Tommy was hard at work. As soon as dinner was through, he marched right back up to his ro... more

Biggest Sex Life Lie
A minister passed a group of teenaged boys sitting on the church lawn. "Evening, boys. What are you doing?"

"Nothing much, Pastor," replied the one lad. "We're just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about his sex life."

"Boys, boys, boys!" intoned the minister. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never thought about sex at all."

The boys looked at each other and then said in unison, "You win, Pas... more