Crucified
Jesus is crucified, hanging on the cross up on a hill. Below the hill there is a crowd of onlookers, including St. Peter.

"Peter! Peter! I need to tell you something" Jesus cries.

So Peter, devoted to his Lord, breaks from the crowd towards the hill only to be stopped by a group of Roman soldiers, beat up and thrown back down.

"Peter! Please, I need to tell you something!" Jesus cries.

Again, full of faith and love for Christ, he runs up the hill and al... more

Holy Bread
A sales representative from a major chicken producer is sent on a mission to the Vatican.
He meets with the Pope: "Holy Father, my company would like to make a substantial
donation to the Holy Mother Church - but there's only one condition...."
"Yes, my son?"
"We'd like you to authorize changing the Lord's Prayer from "Give us this day our daily
bread to give us this day, our daily chicken."
"I don't know my Son. Tradition and all, you know."
"Well your Holiness,... more

Sermon Sleep
One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will
motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a
good poke in the leg."

In church the following S... more

No Cussing In Church
A man went to church one day and afterward he
stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said,
"Preacher, I'll tell you WHAT, that was a damned
fine sermon. Damned good!"

The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd
rather you didn't use
that kind of language in the Lord's House.

The man said, "I was so damned impressed with
that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering
plate!"

The preacher said, "No s... more

The Pope and Taco Bell
The Pope and the manager from Taco bell were talking one day and the man goes we will give you one million dollars if you change the lords prayer from bread to taco.
The Pope goes no my people in Rome wouldn't be happy.
The man from Taco Bell goes how about one billion dollars?
The Pope say's no beder not.
The Man goes last of is one trillion dollars.
The Popes eyes lite up and say's ok.
The Popes goes to Rome and say's I have some good news and bad news ... more

The Vow
A man joining a monestary was told he was to take a vow of silence and was only to be allowed to speak two words every five years.After the first five years had passed he walked into the chambers of the head Monk and said "Bed Hard", then turned and walked out. After the next five years passed he returned to the chambers of the head Monk and said " Food Cold ", then turned and walked out. After the next five years had passd he once again entered the chambers of the head Monk and said "I Qui... more

I AM
A black preacher and a white preacher went on a hillside to find out if God was black or white. The white preacher askes, "God, are you black or white"? God responds, "I Am that I Am". The white preacher says "He's white". The black preacher says, "Why do you say that"?! The white preacher says, "If He were black, He would have said, 'I Is that I ... more

Deserted Islands
On a group of beautiful deserted tropical islands in the middle of
nowhere, the following people are suddenly stranded by, as you
might expect, a shipwreck:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman, 2 French men and 1 French woman,
2 German men and 1 German woman,
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman,
2 English men and 1 English woman,
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman,
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman,
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman,
2 American men ... more

Religious
Three Pastors from the south were having lunch in a diner. One said, "Ya know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything-noise, spray, cats-nothing seems to scare them away. Another said, "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the attic. I've even had the place fumigated, and they won't go away." The third said, "I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church... Haven't seen one back si... more

wheres god?
there two boys and they live in a small little town in virginia. These two boys are especially bad and are always in trouble. after the two boys got cought for steeling one day there mothers sent them to talk to the town priest. So the two boys went to talk to the pastor and the pastor asked the smallest child to come in and talk to him. well the pastor asked the young child "do you believe in god?" the young boy answered shyly "yes" so the pastor said ok "do you know where god is?" the you... more