Biblical Love
After a few days on the new Earth, the Lord called to Adam and said, ''It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth, so I want you to kiss her.'' Adam answered, ''Yes, Lord, but what is a 'kiss'?''

The Lord gave a brief description to Adam, who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, ''Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable.''

And the Lord replied, ''Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that. N... more

Beggars In Mexico
Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a Cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the cross. Soon the hat of the man with the cross is filled and the hat of the man with the Star of David is empty.

A priest watches and then approaches the men. He turns to the man with the Star of David and says: 'Youn... more

Relatively
Einstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.

Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A minute."

Einstein asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A penny."

Einstein asks, "Can I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "In a minute." ... more

Priest In The Ocean
There was a priest who was drowning in the ocean. He called out to God for help.

All of a sudden, a canoe came and the guy said "Father, let me help you".

The priest replied "No, no my son. The Lord will save me."

The canoe leaves and the father calls out to God again. All of a sudden, a yacht showed up. The captain said "Father, let me help you". The priest again replied "No my son, the Lord will save me". The yacht leaves and the father is calling out to God aga... more

All The Same
A Chinese man and his Jewish friend were walking along one day when the Jewish man whirled and slugged the Chinese man and knocked him down.

"What was that for?" the Chinese man asked.

"That was for Pearl Harbor!" the Jewish man said.

"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese. I'm Chinese."

"Chinese, Japanese, you are all the same!"

"Oh!"

They continued walking and after a while the Chinese man whirled and knocked the Jewish man to the ground... more

Rabbi In A Confession
A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him for a little bit and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes a woman comes in and says "Father forgive me for I have sinned." The priest asks "What... more

Jesus Is Watching
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight
around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying "Jesus is watching you".

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out and froze.

When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, clicked the light back on and began searching for more valuables.

Just as he pulled the stereo o... more

Trial of the Nuns
When Nuns are admitted to Heaven they go through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels.
Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy.
"And so," says St. Peter, "have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
"Well," says the first Nun in line, "I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger."
"OK" says St. Peter, "Dip your finger in the holy water and p... more

What Is A Million Years?
A man was wandering in the woods, pondering all the mysteries of life and his own personal problems. The man couldn't find the answers, so he sought help from God.

"God? You there, God?" he asked

"Yes. What is it, my son?" God answered.

"Mind if I ask a few questions?" the man asked.

"Go ahead, my son, anything."

"God, what is a million years to you?"

God answered, "A million years to me is only a second."

The man asked, "God, ... more

A test for monks
The head of the monastery wanted to check how strong his priests are in resisting temptetion.

He called 3 of them to his room, and ordered them to put a small bell on their penis.

After that, he went to the first guy, and showed him a picture of a gorgeous naked girl.

"Gling Gling", went the bell, and the head of the monastary was furious: "you call yourself a monk? you are as weak as a baby!".

He went then to the second guy, and showed him a cover of a d... more