Clocks In Heaven
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."

"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."

"Incredible," said th... more

John Kerry Fan
A teacher in a small Vermont town asks her class how many of them are John Kerry fans.
Not really knowing what a John Kerry fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy.

The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different.

Johnny says, "I'm not a John Kerry fan."

The teacher says, "Why aren't you a John Kerry fan?"

Johnny says, "I'm a George Bush fan."

The teacher asks w... more

Republican and Democrat
A Republican and a Democrat were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person.

The Republican gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his business for a job. He then took twenty dollars out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person.

The Democrat was very impressed, and when they came to another homeless person, he decided to help. He walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. He th... more

Condom Emergency
Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency:

"Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"

"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,' replied the President.

"I do need your help," said Putin. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"

"Why certainly... more

Common Similarities
What do George Bush, Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein have in common?

English is their second lang... more

Kindergarten Lecture
Attorney General Ashcroft was visiting an elementary school.
After the typical civics presentation, he announced, "All right, boys and
girls, you can ask me questions now."

A little boy named Bobby raised his hand and said, "Mr. Ashcroft, I have
three questions. First, how did Bush win the election with fewer votes than
Gore? Second, why are you using the USA Patriot Act to limit Americans'
civil liberties? And third, why hasn't the U.S. caught Osama Bin Laden y... more

Donations To Bush
A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving."

He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?"

The Officer replies, "President Bush is just so depressed about being behind in the polls that he stopped his motorcade
in the middle o... more

Republican Advice Bush
On one of his first nights in the White House, Dubya is awakened by the ghost of George Washington. Bush is frightened, but asks: "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Washington advises him: "Be honest above all else and set an honorable example, just as I did." This makes Bush uncomfortable, but he manages to get back to sleep.

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moves through the dark bedroom. "Tom," Dubya asks, "what is the best thing I cou... more

A Democrat High In The Air
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.
She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and Replied, "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level.. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longi... more

Democrats Vs. Republicans
Here are a few important observations, before the election campaign heats-up:

Republican boys always expect to grow up and marry Republican girls and please their parents. But they always date Democratic girls because they think they're entitled to a little fun first.

Democrats step on bugs.
Republicans call an exterminator.

Democrats eat the big fish they catch.
Republicans have them mounted.

Democrats sit on the dock and fish,
Republicans... more