Prostate Surgery
Sen. John Kerry, recovering from prostate surgery, was told it would be six weeks before he could be sexually active.

John Edwards called to wish Kerry well.

Al Sharpton called Kerry to offer prayers.

Howard Dean called with encouragement on recovery.

Bill Clinton called Teresa. ... more

Golden Urinal
Before the inauguration, George W. was invited to a 'get acquainted' tour of the White House.

After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked President Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal!

That afternoon, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said, "when I am President, I'll have my own personal gold urinal!"

Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary a... more

Advanced Medicine
An Israeli doctor said, "Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks."

A German doctor said "That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks."

A Russian doctor said, "In my country, medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another and have them both looking for w... more

Dear Abby
Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a
carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and
one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling
marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters who are
prostitutes in Jersey City.

I have two brothers. One is currently serving a n... more

Presidential Advice
One night, G.W. Bush was awakened by George Washington's ghost.
Bush saw him and asked, "George, what is the best thing I could do to
help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George.

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark
bedroom.

"Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Bush asked.

"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom.

Bus... more

Who's Stupid?
George W. Bush and Dick Cheney were talking, when George W. said, "I hate all the dumb George W. jokes people tell about me."

Wise Old Cheney, feeling sorry for his old boss kid, said sage-like, "Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I'll prove it to you."

Now Cheney, to patronize George W, took him outside and hailed a taxi driver.

"Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I'm home," said Cheney.

The cab drive... more

Brain Transplant
A mid-level executive was so frustrated at being passed over for promotion year after year, that, in frustration, he went to a brain-transplant center in the hope of raising his I.Q. 20 points.

After a battery of physical and psychological tests, he was told by the center's director that he was an acceptable candidate.

"That's great!" the executive said. "But I understand that this procedure can be really expensive."

"Yes, sir, it can," the director replied. "An o... more

Avoiding The Vote
Two friends are discussing politics on Election Day, each trying to no avail to convince the other to switch sides.

Finally, one says to the other: ``Look, it's clear that we are unalterably opposed on every political issue. Our votes will surely cancel out. Why not save ourselves some time and both agree to not vote today?''

The other agrees enthusiastically and they part.

Shortly after that, a friend of the first one who had heard the conversation says, ``Tha... more

Dead Politicians
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when the bus suddenly ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's field.

The old farmer heard the tragic crash so he rushed over to investigate. He then began digging a large grave to bury the politicians.

A few hours later, the local sheriff was driving past the farmer's field and noticed the bus wreck. He approached the old farmer and asked where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer explained that h... more

The Wizard Of OZ
The last four ex-U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they whirled to OZ. They finally make it to the Emerald City and came before the Great Wizard.

"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD OF OZ?"

Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly:" I've come for some courage."

"NO PROBLEM!" says the Wizard. "WHO IS NEXT?"

Ronald Reagan steps forward, "Well........., I.......I think I need a brain."

"DONE" says the Wizard. "WHO COMES NEXT BEFORE ... more