Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a
carrier of the HIV virus. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and
one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling
marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters who are
prostitutes in Jersey City.

I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in
Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently
being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of neglecting his
three children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who lives
in the Bronx and, indeed, is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel.
Her time there is limited, however, as we hope to open our own brothel with
her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested
in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute
themselves, it would get them off the street, and, hopefully, the heroin.

My problem is this: I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into
the family, and of course, I want to be totally honest with her. So here's
where I need your advice.

Should I tell her about my cousin who voted for Bush?

Signed,

Worried About My Reputation