Devil's Voice
The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed.
"I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'"
"Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!"
"I did," replied ... more

Wonderful Threesome
The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two."
The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said, "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world."
"I'm glad that you feel that way because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us," she rep... more

Where Babies Come From
A teenage girl comes home from school and asks her mother. "Is it true what Rita just told me? Babies come out of the same place where boys put their penises?"

"Yes, dear," replies her mother, pleased that the subject had finally come up and she wouldn't have to explain it to her daughter.

"But then when I have a baby," the teenager pondered, "won't it knock all my teeth ... more

If I Wasn't Rich
A Rich old man, who inherited all his money from his father, one day asks his young wife: "Honey, would you still have married me if my father didn't leave me with all this money?".

His wife smiles gently and answers: "Sure honey, you know I would marry you no matter who gave you the mo... more

3 Times A Cheater
Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, when Jack asks his wife, ''Betty, have you ever cheated on me?''

Betty replies, ''Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question.''

''Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please.''

''Well, all right. Yes, three times'¦''

''Three?!? Well, when were they?'' he asked.

''Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years-old and you really wa... more

Good News
A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat...

Says He: "I'm sorry honey but I'm up to my neck in work today"

Says She: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear."

Says He: "OK darling, but since I've got no time now, just give me the good news, OK?"

Says She: "Well, the air bag work... more

Australian Virgin
A madam decides to retire & get married. Her main requirement in a husband is that he be a virgin. She meets an Australian whom she is convinced is a virgin & marries him.

On their honeymoon she says "I'm going to the bathroom & get ready. You get things ready out here."

When she comes out of the bathroom, he has pushed all the furniture out in the hall.

"Why did you do that?" she asked.

"Well love, I figured if women were anything like kangaroos we'd ... more

Suspicious Mother
Brian invited his mother over for dinner.
During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but keep
noticing how beautiful Brian's roommate, Stephanie, was.

Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and
Stephanie, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Stephanie than met the eye.
Reading his mom's thought... more

Women's Instructions
Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.

Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.

Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.

So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.

If they can put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all there.

Tell him you're not his t... more

Bad Cook
A man was trying to console his new wife, who was crying like crazy: "Darling, believe me, I never said you were a bad cook. I just pointed out the fact that our garbage disposal has developed an ul... more