20 Years
A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.
She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.

"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" ... more

Teddy Bears
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.

They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.

Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of tedd... more

Golf
A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple
bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped around his neck.
Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well," the man says, "it's like this; I was playing a quiet round of
golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls
into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was
rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white on its
rear en... more

Politically Correct Woman
Politically Correct Woman:

She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE - She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.

She is not a BAD COOK - She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.

She is not HALF NAKED - She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED.

She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY - She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.

She is not CONCEITED - She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES

She does not want to be MARRIED - She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.

She does not GA... more

Red Tomatoes
A beautiful blonde woman is having trouble growing tomatoes...
seems she can't get them to turn red.

She knows it is not the weather or the soil as the man next door
has a garden full of big red tomatoes.

She asks him about his secret..."twice a day" he says "I stand
naked in front of the tomatoes, they blush and turn bright red."

This sounds foolish, but what the heck, so she spends the next
few days standing nude in her garden. <... more

Powder Viagra
This elderly lady went to the doctor for a checkup. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, "Doctor, I haven't had sex for years now, and I was wondering how I can increase my husband's sex drive."
The doctor smiled and said, "Have you tried to give him Viagra?"

The lady frowned. "Doctor, I can't even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache," she claimed.

"Well," the doctor continued, "let me suggest something. C... more

20 Years Of Marrage
A couple were married for 20 years.

Everytime they had sex the husband would insist the lights to be turned of.

The wife was getting bored of the same thing everytime.

So that night when they were having sex the wife turned on the lights and saw her husband with a dildo in his hand.

The wife very annoyed by now, started shouting at her husband and asked him to explin himself.

The husband replied with "Explain our Kids."
... more

Arsenic
A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.

Surprised, the pharmacist asks, "Madam, what do you want with arsenic?"

The woman replies that she wants to kill her husband.

Horrified, the pharmacist says, "Madam, I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!"

The woman reaches into her handbag, takes out a photograph and lays it down on the counter. The photo shows a man and a woman in a sexually compromising position. The ma... more

The Angry Wife
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.

"I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning, with beer on your breath, and lipstick on your collar?"

"There is," he replied. "I'd like some breakf... more

In The Hotel Lobby
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, "Ma'm, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."

She replies, "if your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room... more