New And Improved Barbie!
- Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of
blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors
(half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print
editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.
- Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and
watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of
perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with
hand-held fan and tiny tissues.
- Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels
shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy
tweezers and magnifying mirror.
- Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps
with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the
tummy front, too-muumuus with tummy-support panels are
included.
- Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto
heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's
dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone
and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.
- No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky
crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin
Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.
- Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a
cheer-leader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off
her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr.
Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and
cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.
- Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken.
Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal
trainer)is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac.
They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for
the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of
"Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."
- Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with
Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.
- Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally
caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does
Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's
going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of
The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.
- Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her
pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things,
and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on
the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels.
Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.
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Featured Joke
Two telephone company crews were putting up telephone poles. At the end
of the day, the company foreman asked the first crew how many poles they
had put in the ground. "Fifteen" was the answer.
"Not bad, not bad at all," the foreman said.
Turning to the blonde crew he asked how many they had put in. "Four" was
the answer.
"Four?" the foreman yelled. "The others did fifteen, and you only did four?"
"Yes," replied the leader of the blonde ...more
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